It feels like a dream.

Of all days, Allah decided to take you with Him today. I still remember when my phone rang multiple times waiting for me to pick it up while i was busy conducting delivery of my patient in labor room. It was around 0125 in the morning. Nothing came in my head except you. 
Is something bad happen at this hour? 
When i called ma back, hearing her voice over there, crying in fear and anxiety told me that abah collapsed at home, i just don’t know what to do.
I drove home as fast as i could remember and seeing Ambulance in front of the house made me startled once again. Is my abah alrite? He’s okay. I know he’s okay. Reassured myself.
And I would never thought i have to do CPR to my very dear abah, hoping he would revive and smiling to me once again. 
I never hope this high just to make sure i can feel his pulses. Carotid, femoral, i just want to feel the pulses, beats. I don’t want this to be the end. Not now abah. Not now. Please. And it was in the Ambulance. 
Its different. Between resuscitating your family and patients.

 It’s a big different. 
The resuscitation continued at emergency department and i was told to stand back. I just stared to what ever they did to my father and i don’t even want to look at the cardiac monitor, nope. I don’t wanna lose hope. 
He’s gone….
He’s finally gone.
The day i was on my night-shift.
The day i wasn’t able to help at home.
The day i feel so useless being a doctor.
May Allah bless your soul, forgive your sins, make your grave a garden and grant you the highest level of paradise.
Thank you for those who helping and coming. Please pray for my dear abah. He’s the best man i ever know. One and only. 
Have rest abah.
Love from afar.

Abah, Haji Abdullah Mat Akil 


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